End of the line for HP's Alpha processor: August 16, 2004

End of the line for HP's Alpha processor: August 16, 2004

Sad day when a good thing fades away and dies. The Alpha 64bit chip was one bad-ass processor when it came out. Technically strong by design. It's loss is in all matters non technical. Sedih gak la.. sebab tak penah try the proc. I do have a friend in the Alpha team. But I think dia kena tukar to another team.. kononnyer malas keje... hahaha.. but it's funny though.. how can a genius type like that guy be 'malas' eh? I thought all geniuses are lazy by nature. That's why they invent and make things... heheh..

oh well.. so ends a legacy that was not meant to be... may your architecture be reincarnated again somewhere, in the future for the benefit of mankind... good bye alpha... jasamu dikenang.. (heheh)

CiAO!

Grandma Not Doing Too Well.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have a sick grandmother. Early this morning she suffered a stroke. She has been having a lot of health issues lately, but so far has been going on strong. Now, she's probably at the last few stages of her life. At 4.20pm today, my mother called me and told me that a blood vessel had burst inside her head. At this point, I feel that she's in a grave position.... No... that's not right.. "I" feel empty. My grandmother is probably not having much left in her, and I feel nothing. I feel that I need to ask her for forgiveness, and then let her move on. Beyond that.. I feel nothing.

How do you deal with this? I mean, my other late grandmother, who we lovingly called 'pohpoh', when she died, I was 10, maybe 11 years old. She was already in a wheel chair. She had stroke. But she still lived a good life with all of her children and grandchildren til the day she died. That day, I was sad.

This grandma... well this grandma led a life that I had little to like. This grandma, she made my mothers life very difficult. This same grandma chose to protect those that she favors over those that were unjustly treated. Go figure.

But my prayers still go out to her. For as not nice as she was, she's still my fathers mother. And she is still my grandmother. We are who we are mostly because of our family. I pray to god that things will go smooth in these crucial moments.

Amin..

Sometimes she hurts me on purpose

I wonder if she knows this, and I wonder if she reflects this back. But sometimes it hurts. And sometimes, she doesn't realise, she hurt me first, and she thinks she hurts more than me. Sometimes, even when I try my best and try not to hurt her, I accidentally do, and this time, if it wasn't for her own brother telling me in plain words why, I wouldn't have known. And the night before she hurt me but she still doesn't understand. Why is it that I have to put her feelings first, when she always hurts me. Even when I don't hurt her, she hurts me. Even when she annoys me more than anything, I keep my silence. All I ask is, did I do something wrong. I think sometimes she thinks she'd told me everything that happened in her life. The thing is, she hasn't and at the same time, she assumes much of my life, even things I haven't told her. I try to keep it quiet because times are fragile. But sometimes, it really really hurts. And I really hate it that emotions take over more often than reason. And before she gets fuming and angry and wants to start shoving things down my throat, I wish she'd take some time to calm down and think. But if she wants to get upset anyways and really shove her two cents on me, then go ahead. I'd take my lumps. I always do.. I take mine in silence still... I wish I can still take it in silence, but it sucks. I wish I can raise my voice. but i fear her emotions take over first before her reason. so i just take my lumps.... oh well... oh well... it's probably a huge mistake to write this, but better to be upset and write it down than be upset and start asking her dumb questions.... or even worse... getting into an argument with her....

This really sucks.... I hate writing this... but i need to release this. and I don't want to do it in front of her face. or on the phone, or in text message or anywhere directly at her. In fact, from this day forward, I don't think I want her to read my blogs. I think I'll hurt her too, just how I got hurt reading her blogs. I guess we both have things we still can't share with each other....