Sometimes she hurts me on purpose

I wonder if she knows this, and I wonder if she reflects this back. But sometimes it hurts. And sometimes, she doesn't realise, she hurt me first, and she thinks she hurts more than me. Sometimes, even when I try my best and try not to hurt her, I accidentally do, and this time, if it wasn't for her own brother telling me in plain words why, I wouldn't have known. And the night before she hurt me but she still doesn't understand. Why is it that I have to put her feelings first, when she always hurts me. Even when I don't hurt her, she hurts me. Even when she annoys me more than anything, I keep my silence. All I ask is, did I do something wrong. I think sometimes she thinks she'd told me everything that happened in her life. The thing is, she hasn't and at the same time, she assumes much of my life, even things I haven't told her. I try to keep it quiet because times are fragile. But sometimes, it really really hurts. And I really hate it that emotions take over more often than reason. And before she gets fuming and angry and wants to start shoving things down my throat, I wish she'd take some time to calm down and think. But if she wants to get upset anyways and really shove her two cents on me, then go ahead. I'd take my lumps. I always do.. I take mine in silence still... I wish I can still take it in silence, but it sucks. I wish I can raise my voice. but i fear her emotions take over first before her reason. so i just take my lumps.... oh well... oh well... it's probably a huge mistake to write this, but better to be upset and write it down than be upset and start asking her dumb questions.... or even worse... getting into an argument with her....

This really sucks.... I hate writing this... but i need to release this. and I don't want to do it in front of her face. or on the phone, or in text message or anywhere directly at her. In fact, from this day forward, I don't think I want her to read my blogs. I think I'll hurt her too, just how I got hurt reading her blogs. I guess we both have things we still can't share with each other....