help.....

I don't know why I'm writing. More like I'm wigging out. In all comparison, we all have our major issues in life. Each and every individual is a makeup of good experiences and bad experiences, and I do believe each of us has a grave/ill experience(s) that we place higher than other pplz.

So please do let me comment on my experience that I feel that is highly alarming and higher than most others. I'm wrecked with bad feelings. Feelings that started of being good and is now becoming worse day by day. As I write this blog, I already am feeling impending doom befalling. I am almost at a state of panic. Things I thought we're still within means of being repaired is exponentially becoming hard to handle and getting out of control. I need help. I ask for help, yet I don't know who to turn to. Most people in my circle I cannot share this problem for either they themselve can't handle it, or they will also get hurt once I tell them what's going on.

Simplest thing to say is, I believe I've been decieved. Or at least I've been fooling myself. I hurt someone on so many counts, that now I'm being hurt back. And it hurts the worst because it's someone that you really2 care about. I just wish I knew how to handle this. I wish I could talk to my mom, without fear of telling her something that's gonna hurt her too. Susah... susah... sakit hati ni. My heart's already bleeding. But strong feelings don't go away that easily. It just gels inside and never let go. :(

My Doppelganger & I

My Doppelganger & I
I miss my baby.. sigh.. I miss her... shit.. I miss her.. what am I doing.. I miss her.. yeaahh.. that's rite.. i miss her.. I'm halfway doing my work, and I still miss her.. crud.. I hate this feeling of missing her... Lagi la.. dia kluar.. dia punya phone kita tak boleh call.. Not that I want to be in control or anything. I just want to know where she is and if she's safe and happy. Heck.. it doesn't matter. I know even though she says she's okay and happy.. the other part of her isn't happy and okay. I know this because she's already revealed this flip side of her to me. What I'm having a hard time right now is to understand fully the reasons that she isn't happy and okay. Constantly worrying about her being like that... I cannot let her be like that. Why? Cause I harbour feelings of affection for her. Because her happiness is most important for our relationship. Not to mention my own happiness... that is.. it's affected by her happiness.

I ramble.. I don't know why I ramble.. maybe it's been the first time since a few moments in time that I have some steam to blow.. sigh.. I want to talk to her without hurting her.. but i'm stupid that way. I don't know how to do it. I always say the wrong things whether i know it or not. most of the time i didn't even know it.

sigh... even in blogging i can sigh...
wonder where my baby's at.. wonder how she's doing... i miss my baby.. miss her much i do..