help.....
I don't know why I'm writing. More like I'm wigging out. In all comparison, we all have our major issues in life. Each and every individual is a makeup of good experiences and bad experiences, and I do believe each of us has a grave/ill experience(s) that we place higher than other pplz.
So please do let me comment on my experience that I feel that is highly alarming and higher than most others. I'm wrecked with bad feelings. Feelings that started of being good and is now becoming worse day by day. As I write this blog, I already am feeling impending doom befalling. I am almost at a state of panic. Things I thought we're still within means of being repaired is exponentially becoming hard to handle and getting out of control. I need help. I ask for help, yet I don't know who to turn to. Most people in my circle I cannot share this problem for either they themselve can't handle it, or they will also get hurt once I tell them what's going on.
Simplest thing to say is, I believe I've been decieved. Or at least I've been fooling myself. I hurt someone on so many counts, that now I'm being hurt back. And it hurts the worst because it's someone that you really2 care about. I just wish I knew how to handle this. I wish I could talk to my mom, without fear of telling her something that's gonna hurt her too. Susah... susah... sakit hati ni. My heart's already bleeding. But strong feelings don't go away that easily. It just gels inside and never let go. :(
So please do let me comment on my experience that I feel that is highly alarming and higher than most others. I'm wrecked with bad feelings. Feelings that started of being good and is now becoming worse day by day. As I write this blog, I already am feeling impending doom befalling. I am almost at a state of panic. Things I thought we're still within means of being repaired is exponentially becoming hard to handle and getting out of control. I need help. I ask for help, yet I don't know who to turn to. Most people in my circle I cannot share this problem for either they themselve can't handle it, or they will also get hurt once I tell them what's going on.
Simplest thing to say is, I believe I've been decieved. Or at least I've been fooling myself. I hurt someone on so many counts, that now I'm being hurt back. And it hurts the worst because it's someone that you really2 care about. I just wish I knew how to handle this. I wish I could talk to my mom, without fear of telling her something that's gonna hurt her too. Susah... susah... sakit hati ni. My heart's already bleeding. But strong feelings don't go away that easily. It just gels inside and never let go. :(
posted by Cold at 7/31/2004 07:11:00 AM
2 Comments:
Ammar, I know it isn't my place to be saying anything...blame it on the bloghopping culture! But this piece you wrote, pretty much summed up what I was going through a few years ago. You just feel helpless, kan? But here's the thing, believe it or not...your heart is a strong organ that heals everytime it gets crushed. Life goes on. People move on. People get hurt but they move on. I'm sure you know this already. Afterall, you're older and wiser?
yes dear.. i am older.. wiser.. who knows. it's not about moving on though.. it's about i want to keep her. that's it.
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