Crazy Cuckoo
Pain, depression, helplessness... sadness... frustration... anger?.. maybe... I got all sorts of feelings inside of me. Emotions stated within are all negative. I have no liking for negative emotions at this current state of being. I'm tired of it. But I'm carrying them. I can't lash out, as this is one of those fragile times in my life. What I say or do could destroy something I rather treasure.... But how insanely ironic, and somewhat warped that the thing that is causing these tidal waves of emotions is also the thing that could, with a single word make you wanna kill yourself. Susahnyer hidup macam orang biase. Why can't I just be an appliance ke, a fridge ke, or even a computer. Something inhuman. Something that doesn't need to share affections, nor feel it. I think i'm well suited for that. I just seem to hurt, or feel hurt the minute I get up from bed, right til I go back to sleep. This is not funny. This hurts. Oh and don't forget that I still hate myself for causing all of this things to happen. And dulu takpe sangat, since I hurt myself the most. But nowadays, I tend to hurt other people as well. Hell... not only do i hurt them.. I DON'T KNOW THAT I HURT THEM!!! FUDGE!! (it should end with a 'CK' actually). Maybe I should leave. Maybe I am not the one. I know there's at least half a world of men who could be better than me right now.
I mean.. I don't know.. Today I don't feel very happy. Dah la I got a frigging headache. And then I thought I said something right. but apparently I said something wrong. I can't read bloody minds. Ok... so I preceded to do something nice.. but apparently it backfired. Now... now I don't what the now situation is like. I honestly don't know what the other party feels like. I'm betting she's hurting, but she won't tell me. I do know That I feel like shit. I was going to go and buy someone her much wanted book.. Skarang dah tawar hati.. Mebbe tomorrow. ... tah la.. tah la.... tak tau.. tak tau.. tak tau.. aku tulis ni pun memang nak mampos. I might as well just throw away the last 4-5 months of my life down the drain. Crap.. then I miss her.. then I know I love her.. then how? Go back crying to her.. begging her.. stupid la.. stupid.. stupid... I think too much. I wish I was a toaster.... At least all they don't hurt other people's feelings.
I mean.. I don't know.. Today I don't feel very happy. Dah la I got a frigging headache. And then I thought I said something right. but apparently I said something wrong. I can't read bloody minds. Ok... so I preceded to do something nice.. but apparently it backfired. Now... now I don't what the now situation is like. I honestly don't know what the other party feels like. I'm betting she's hurting, but she won't tell me. I do know That I feel like shit. I was going to go and buy someone her much wanted book.. Skarang dah tawar hati.. Mebbe tomorrow. ... tah la.. tah la.... tak tau.. tak tau.. tak tau.. aku tulis ni pun memang nak mampos. I might as well just throw away the last 4-5 months of my life down the drain. Crap.. then I miss her.. then I know I love her.. then how? Go back crying to her.. begging her.. stupid la.. stupid.. stupid... I think too much. I wish I was a toaster.... At least all they don't hurt other people's feelings.
posted by Cold at 8/02/2004 04:17:00 PM
1 Comments:
what is wrong with u??? now i think we've swapped places okay. i think i'm having a hard time figuring u out. u used to be so easy to figure out.
i told u i was gonna play futsal tonite...i think i told u this since yesterday. shoot me if i didnt tell u earlier...not that i dont wanna see u today but we saw each other this morning and i just wanna go back and get some sleep and then go play futsal. u said u wanna watch...well i dont feel so comfortable u watching me play so i dont really want u to be there. i try to tell u that i'm gonna be doing my own thing tonite and why dont u go do yr own thing...it's not that i'm brushing u off or anything...
only last week u were whining...saying that u never have time to do yr work because u're too busy worrying about me who gets sick almost all the times. then now that i'm trying my very best not to fall sick so that u can concentrate on what u wanna do..u feel bad! i am becoming as confused as u are.
i'm not trying to belittle the things that u are trying to do for me but then it's just that we need to cool down and let things get back to normal again. im trying my very best to give u time...to give u space to do yr work. i just dont wanna be blamed anymore. i feel so very bad about myself in that sense so i'm trying my very best to get back my independence before i met u. pls dont miscontrue this..i'm not saying that i dont wanna rely on u or that u're unreliable..it's just that i wanna lessen yr responsiblities..yr worries and whatnot. can u not understand that?
i've tried to make things okay but i dont think it's okay...it's still as it is..it's still like yesterday no matter what i try to do. what do u want me to do???
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