Selamat Hari Merdeka?

Feeling Sorry For Myself

The worse feeling in the world for me is the feeling of lonliness..
I hate being alone and feeling alone...
And i'm not the kind of guy that always hang around with
friends and family.. even though i've got bucket loads of them.

One part of my life.. back in school.. I was far away from
my family.. and I didn't call them much.. Stories from home
was always bad ones.. So.. It didn't help.. Imagine calling mom
and the first thing she tells you is either, your dad married
someone else, or you uncle just got disowned by your grandpa
because he stole all of the family money.. Heheh.. trust me..
it takes a lot of work to crack a smile at the end of the day.

Oh.. plus the fact that i wasn't too friendly with the local
malaysians too.. that wasn't much help.. It's not like they're
my enemies or anything.. I just never got along..

So for half of my schooling term, i actually stayed alone.. and
away from everyone.. Heck.. I didn't even have a suite mate
by the beginning of final year. (last one finished masters degree).

So... I really felt ALONE... helpless.. it's a bitch my friend.. it really
is.. One time.. i felt so depressed.. I stayed in my room for a whole
week and didn't go out. And no one knew.. Sigh.. talk about
depressing, huh? That was winter i think.. and it happened to be
cold and grey..

So, what does that have to do with now? Well.. I was hoping
history won't repeat itself, but I feel like it almost is... And this
time its work related..

So here I am.. stuck in Miri.. Hundreds of miles away from KL..
My colleague has chicken pox. Clients storage system is giving major
problems... I'm alone in the server room. No support, and cellphone
doesn't work. I can't call anyone... No one in the 20 mile radius
I can ask for help. And I don't know what to do. Helpless..
At my wits end.. And it's been like this for at least a week now..

The storage system is still not fixed.. We're incurring heavy penalties
from the client.. and at the center of if all, I'm the on-site engineer.
helpless and alone.. :P I'm causing both companies to lose money, and
I don't know what to do.

sometimes i wonder if this is worth it.. the job..
Self prediction of mine is.. I'm not gonna make this job or this
company a lifetime commitment. But I am commited to leave the
company with at least a clean slate.. or a good reputation at least.

laters.. .