Michelle Branch's If Only She Knew.

In the lyrics theres a few lines about still
not being over someone, and don't think it's
over. Well.. That pretty much got me thinking,
at 1.40am about me not being over that certain
someone. I'm not going to fully recover from
this. That much I know for certain. What I
believe should happen now is, I must go on with
my life.

I am a creature that wants to love and to be
loved. I want to meet a girl and fall in love.
What I fear is, I will again break someones
heart, and ultimately, my heart too. So, I
decided to be single. Put myself on the shelf
in the back. Previously, I thought, that I had
a long enough break, and should start going
out again. Now, I think I shouldn't. It still
might turn out badly. I don't want to bring
false hopes to anyone.

But then, in my previous relationships, I wasn't
fully aware of the condition of my heart.
And now that I know, maybe I'll be more
sensitive of my surroundings, especially the
person near me? I mean, if I shut myself out,
would I be able to meet the right person?
If I don't either, will I still find the right
gal?

Inner peace is important. Faith. Belief in
that every instance has a reason for happening.
Is that an answer I formulate in my head for
my own satisfaction, or for me to show a
facade of satisfaction? I know the real answer
is, there is no concrete answer. My actions,
reactions, and comprehension of events in my
life will eventually lead to many other events
which, hopefully will fulfill this want. But
maybe I'm not suppose to have that satisfaction.
Fate might not allow me this, for in it lies
a reason that is more important. Maybe...
Whatever it is, ultimately, I guess, I must
have belief in fate, an inner peace that my
life events will bring some sort of betterment
somewhere.. even if it's not for me. Whatever
it is, I shouldn't let that cloud my actions
should a situation arise, as my choices are
shaped by fate, and what I need to do is,
understand why I chose that path.

What a time to go philosophical.. What I need
is sleep... and inner peace.. :)

I pray to god, that even though i'll never
see Shuhada again, that she is safe and happy
now without my presence. And that everyday,
my pain will lessen.

later.